Platonic Relationships Within the Orthodox Community
Estee Goldschmidt
Issue date: 12/21/09 Section: Features
The existence of platonic relationships is an issue that has been debated heatedly. In the Orthodox community especially, where interaction between members of the opposite genders for purposes other than marriage is strongly discouraged, it is difficult to find a place for platonic relationships.
During interviews, many students and faculty members felt uncomfortable sharing their opinions on the matter, either because they are not sure where they stand on this issue, or felt uncomfortable sharing their opinion in a public forum; the issue of platonic relationships can be extremely personal because of the hashkafic (philosophic) and halakhic (Jewish legal) boundaries that are involved.
The platonic relationship originated in the philosophy of Plato, in which love ascends from "passion for the individual to the contemplation of the universal and ideals." This theory, when applied to inter-gender relationships, translates into a close relationship between two persons, in which sexual desire does not exist, or has been supressed.
Penina Weber is a Stern College for Women senior majoring in Judaic studies who does not believe in the existence of true platonic relationships. "There is an innate drive for physical and emotional love in all people," says Weber, "which is necessary for proper, healthy, loving marriages, and therefore child-bearing." She also says that even when friendships do exist, "there is the constant possibility of one liking the other, and then it's only a matter of time before they become physically involved, to whatever degree."
Chana Scholl, an SCW senior majoring in psychology, agrees with Weber. "I am very doubtful that cross-gender platonic relationships exist at all," she says, "and if they do, I think it's only possible to maintain a platonic relationship for a limited time frame or if both parties only see each other sporadically."
Other students not only think that platonic relationships exist, but that they should be sought-after goal. "With interactions with human beings, diversity is the key to life," says Ilana Hostyk, a junior at SCW. "If I would never limit my friendship with someone based on religion, race or sexual prefrence, why would I limit it based on gender? It is completely possible to have a platonic relationship, and I believe they are essential for having a complete life."
During interviews, many students and faculty members felt uncomfortable sharing their opinions on the matter, either because they are not sure where they stand on this issue, or felt uncomfortable sharing their opinion in a public forum; the issue of platonic relationships can be extremely personal because of the hashkafic (philosophic) and halakhic (Jewish legal) boundaries that are involved.
The platonic relationship originated in the philosophy of Plato, in which love ascends from "passion for the individual to the contemplation of the universal and ideals." This theory, when applied to inter-gender relationships, translates into a close relationship between two persons, in which sexual desire does not exist, or has been supressed.
Penina Weber is a Stern College for Women senior majoring in Judaic studies who does not believe in the existence of true platonic relationships. "There is an innate drive for physical and emotional love in all people," says Weber, "which is necessary for proper, healthy, loving marriages, and therefore child-bearing." She also says that even when friendships do exist, "there is the constant possibility of one liking the other, and then it's only a matter of time before they become physically involved, to whatever degree."
Chana Scholl, an SCW senior majoring in psychology, agrees with Weber. "I am very doubtful that cross-gender platonic relationships exist at all," she says, "and if they do, I think it's only possible to maintain a platonic relationship for a limited time frame or if both parties only see each other sporadically."
Other students not only think that platonic relationships exist, but that they should be sought-after goal. "With interactions with human beings, diversity is the key to life," says Ilana Hostyk, a junior at SCW. "If I would never limit my friendship with someone based on religion, race or sexual prefrence, why would I limit it based on gender? It is completely possible to have a platonic relationship, and I believe they are essential for having a complete life."
Viewing Comments 1 - 5 of 5
lee r.
posted 12/27/09 @ 1:26 AM EST
excellent article! i love the way u interviewed individuals for a range of personal first-hand experience opinions!
it seems that most of the candidates deep down recognize the fact that ultimitely there is no such thing as a platonic relationship, yet sometimes it is a matter of convenience to say "we're just friends". (Continued…)
simmi brodie
posted 12/27/09 @ 9:39 AM EST
at times in my life i held one opinion and at other times the opposite. so i particularly enjoyed your article. i am very grateful for the torah guidelines on this issue because in their consistency they protect me from my ever changing views. (Continued…)
simmi brodie
simmi brodie
posted 12/27/09 @ 9:44 AM EST
at times in my life i held one opinion and at other times the opposite. so i particularly enjoyed your article. i am very grateful for the torah guidelines on this issue because in their consistency they protect me from my ever changing views. (Continued…)
you-know-who
posted 12/27/09 @ 1:58 PM EST
Great article. However, wish it had gotten into more controversial material-ie. the halachic implications of the existence of or fallacy of cross-gender platonic friendships and how this beliefs to either effect help shape the yeshivish world in reference to the Modern Orthodox world, and vic. (Continued…)
its me
posted 12/27/09 @ 11:14 PM EST
One wise man told me: In Jewish terms it is "Ein Apatrapus Learayot" and in secular terms it's called "When Harry met Sally"
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