Elevator Madness
Abby Vishniavsky
Issue date: 5/5/09 Section: Opinions
In times of wealth, in the days of yore, during peak hours of foot traffic, with the turn of a magical key, an appointed Burns security official conferred the status of "express" upon two of the three elevators in 245 Lex. This key allowed for speedy travel up and down the elevator shaft with stops only at assigned floors. People flowed smoothly through the building, and students arrived to class (relatively) on time.
We took advantage of the express elevators in times of economic stability, but now, ever since the University let go a number of Burns security officers who ran the elevators, we appreciate their tremendous value.
I experience, as we all do, the extent of this great loss on a regular basis. I awaken from my alarm and go through my regular morning routine- bathroom-ize (yes, this is a commonly used verb on Brookdale 4), dress, daven, race from Brookdale down 34th Street to 245 Lex (all the while stoplights working against me), rush up the front steps, grab some breakfast, and jump into an elevator to the ninth floor. However, now, when I arrive at the elevators, there are already a dozen girls waiting there, hypnotically watching the elevator control panel's lighted floor numbers change. Finally, an elevator arrives, to the relief of the growing crowd of agitated students, and the doors open. A stampede towards the already-full elevator ensues, and only a handful of girls make it in to the elevator, sucking in their stomachs and jostling their backpacks so the doors will close. A groan passes through the crowd. I look down at my watch-I am now officially late.
I end up climbing nine flights of stairs to class.
Sound familiar? This elevator situation is getting out of hand. I have had to set my alarm significantly earlier just so that I can arrive on time to class, and if I absent-mindedly (or not-so-absent-mindedly) hit the snooze, I end up getting in some good cardio and a thigh burn. It is true that I can use the extra exercise. My once a week, half-credit ballet class does not quite cut it. Perhaps the university eliminated the express elevators in a greater effort to increase the health and wellness of the student body (no pun intended). However, even with this forced added benefit, something must be done.
One possibility in these tumultuous times is to hold the students to an honor system. In certain "express" elevators, students would be expected to only press buttons for specified floors. Even if students adhered to this system (realistically, I doubt this would ever occur), technically this suggestion is not feasible since the elevator, without its magic key, will open randomly when the button is pressed on various floors.
A more useful suggestion is for student volunteers to run the express elevators. Perhaps students would not even have to volunteer. With the current economy, more students will probably sign up for work-study, and this new job opportunity will be welcomed.
Perhaps my suggestions will be fruitless. I hear those involved in the secret scheme to slim the student population sit in high places signing important documents. However, I warn, if we do not fight for the elevators, the ice cream machine will go next!
We took advantage of the express elevators in times of economic stability, but now, ever since the University let go a number of Burns security officers who ran the elevators, we appreciate their tremendous value.
I experience, as we all do, the extent of this great loss on a regular basis. I awaken from my alarm and go through my regular morning routine- bathroom-ize (yes, this is a commonly used verb on Brookdale 4), dress, daven, race from Brookdale down 34th Street to 245 Lex (all the while stoplights working against me), rush up the front steps, grab some breakfast, and jump into an elevator to the ninth floor. However, now, when I arrive at the elevators, there are already a dozen girls waiting there, hypnotically watching the elevator control panel's lighted floor numbers change. Finally, an elevator arrives, to the relief of the growing crowd of agitated students, and the doors open. A stampede towards the already-full elevator ensues, and only a handful of girls make it in to the elevator, sucking in their stomachs and jostling their backpacks so the doors will close. A groan passes through the crowd. I look down at my watch-I am now officially late.
I end up climbing nine flights of stairs to class.
Sound familiar? This elevator situation is getting out of hand. I have had to set my alarm significantly earlier just so that I can arrive on time to class, and if I absent-mindedly (or not-so-absent-mindedly) hit the snooze, I end up getting in some good cardio and a thigh burn. It is true that I can use the extra exercise. My once a week, half-credit ballet class does not quite cut it. Perhaps the university eliminated the express elevators in a greater effort to increase the health and wellness of the student body (no pun intended). However, even with this forced added benefit, something must be done.
One possibility in these tumultuous times is to hold the students to an honor system. In certain "express" elevators, students would be expected to only press buttons for specified floors. Even if students adhered to this system (realistically, I doubt this would ever occur), technically this suggestion is not feasible since the elevator, without its magic key, will open randomly when the button is pressed on various floors.
A more useful suggestion is for student volunteers to run the express elevators. Perhaps students would not even have to volunteer. With the current economy, more students will probably sign up for work-study, and this new job opportunity will be welcomed.
Perhaps my suggestions will be fruitless. I hear those involved in the secret scheme to slim the student population sit in high places signing important documents. However, I warn, if we do not fight for the elevators, the ice cream machine will go next!
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 3
Your father
posted 5/08/09 @ 4:46 AM EST
"Thigh-burn"?
This should have been footnoted and appropriate credit given.
Hammer Mills
posted 7/21/09 @ 2:18 PM EST
I can see how not having access to the elevators could be an issue. But in the long run it's probably better for everyone's health to just take the stairs. (Continued…)
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